4:24 PM

Had a long ass nap. I went to school only for German literature class and the stupid attendance sheet, then skipped my other two classes just to nap at home. The best part being home alone is napping naked. Yes, I prefer sleeping with no clothes on,¬†(is this something to be posting here?? Whatever. I could care less) but I keep the underpants on only because I’m biologically female and shit blood happens. I only sleep without clothes if no one is home, just in case y’unno, something scares my paranoid mind and I need to run.

It is ammmmmaaazzzinnnngggg. I fall asleep instantly. It feels free and clothes trap too much body heat. My body naturally produces a lot of warmth so I don’t get cold sleeping underneath cold cozy sheets. Cuddling in cold and soft sheets …. yessssss….. Also my bedsheets are soft and I enjoy the sensation of soft things on my skin … That sounded weird…. I’m done talking about how much I love sleeping naked for now. But it just feels so good and sastifying…. The feeling of coming home after a hot and tiring day to lie down on a cold soft blanket and pass out. When the day comes and I finally move out on my own, you can bet I’ll be sleeping naked.

5:24 PM

I accidentally overslept by a lot … 4PM. I feel guilty because I’ve wasted my day being a lazy butt. On the other hand, it could be my body recovering from yesterday’s hike, and the throwing up. Throwing up is exhausting. Also I now I feel completely refreshed and full of energy so I decided to make PANCAKES. 

It sounds weird being fascinated by pancakes, but I’ve never made legitimate pancakes for breakfast; I grew up without pancakes. How can a piece of flour plus butter taste good?? I wanted to try…

10 minutes and some pancake flour + milk + eggs + a skillet, later it was done. I made 2 HUGE blobs of pancake. I had the ingenious idea to add chocolate pudding in between the pancake blobs. Then smeared butter on top. It looked weird and kinda gross. But it tasted good! The recipe produced too much pancake for one person and I ended up throwing out most of my unfinished pancake brunch. 

(Yep, it looks like a mess).  

hike no. 1

As the title suggests, I went on my first hike in a long time today. I’ve gone hiking before years ago but I wasn’t too good at it. One time when my cousins took me hiking, I got my first asthma attack. (How exciting). I remember that I wasn’t sure what was happening and why it was so difficult to breathe, then cried while panicking … which made the asthma attack worse. Long story short, I cried all way up there but hey! I finished the trail!

The hike today was at Deep Cove; a very picturesque and leisurely neighborhood. My friend said it was a “short 1 and 1/2 hour walk”, but to my short legged depression- fatigued body, it felt like it took the whole damn day. However, much to my surprise, I wouldn’t have minded even if it did take a whole day. Being away from the city and surrounded by dense and warm green trees feels fresh. The air is cleaner, and the fellow hikers that we passed by feel friendly and open, as if we shared a certain camaraderie by attempting to conquer the mountains together. The people there are much more humble and kinder that it makes me not feel alone. The forest, with the singing birds and running water in the background, gives a sense of “You are physically/mentally here and safe from the outside world.” It is like being in a different dreamy realm there, versus the dreary city.

This “first” time there was no asthma attack. But much to my embarrassment, something possibly even worse happened (worse as in I have no shame left *sobs*). Within the first 15 minutes into the trail, I felt my breakfast coming up. To be fair, I am stupid when sleepy and hungry, thus went to a place known for causing food poisoning for breakfast. Then right in front of several hikers and my friend, I lost my breakfast *sob*. GAHH on one hand, I felt physically much better, but on the other … my pride got punched in the face. I am a terrible person for being terrified if someone witnesses me throwing up … it’s so embarrassing that I metaphorically died. I also almost cried after due to being embarrassed. 

After resting my shameless soul, I was determined to finish the trail even if I would puke the entire way up. The logic was, I’d feel even worse and more embarrassed if I needed to turn back. Hell no! I may be short but I ain’t weak (okay well I am kinda weak and clumsy). And success! No more throwing up PLUS I made it up! The view was spectacular … so much that it couldn’t be captured in pictures, plus it is too tiring to take pictures after dumping out the contents of one’s stomach. 

Long story short, on the way back down, I fell down several times and currently have some bruises. Also to add salt into my bleeding, wounded pride, I automatically scream when falling. The way down was easier. To end the trip, we walked around the village of Deep Cove and watched the sparkles in the water. It was tiring but felt rewarding and relaxing. I enjoyed it, much to my surprise! Being back home feels bland and blerggg … cities are gross and lonely.


11:50 PM

My throat hurts die due to overuse at work. You see, I generally don’t talk at all during the week when I am at school. This goes especially the past few weeks when I’ve been skipping more classes and spending while days quietly alone. The voice isn’t used to suddenly being used for 3 days each week after 4 days of silence.

I’ve bought a ton of lemons and mint tea for my invention : Amanda’s herbal tea remedy!! The recipe is to brew some hot mint tea + lemon slices + honey + 2 frozen raspberries + a dried rose (found in Asian herb stores). The raspberries are for colouring so the tea looks rosy as if the steeped rose petals let out a pretty pink/red hue. Rose petals help the body flush out toxins, speed up metabolism, and digest meals easier. I pick the seeds out of the lemon slices after slicing. Drinks taste better without worrying about swallowing  lemon seeds, and can be more fully enjoyed. Also lemon seeds are bitter, and no one wants to eat that. Mint feels naturally relaxing but don’t use crappy mint because it will taste bitter. Sometimes I use mint leaves instead of mint tea bags, but it is more expensive and impractical as mint plant leaves don’t last long. Honey is because I like sweet tea, and to cancel out the sourness of the lemon. 

Time to rest and hope the throat improves!

turtle adoption 

 About a week ago, I was asked by my dad’s co-worker to take in 2 red eared slider turtles as they couldn’t keep them anymore. I have a reputation for being a zookeeper and loving every single one of my babies. I couldn’t say no …. so here they are! …. In my sink as I prepare their new home. Over the next week I’d have to go shopping for aquarium accessories, such as a new sunbathing rock, and fake plants for the turtles to hide and sleep in. 

One of them is malnourished (it has a flat shell), and missing a fingernail due to injury. The other has an unhealthy, peeling shell, meaning pieces of the shell are flaking off. I can see that the old owner neglected them until finally giving up. It makes me feel sad for the babies, but I hope to nurse them back to health soon! Also to make them feel loved … if it is even possible for turtles to feel love.

I haven’t thought of names yet, but my other 2 turtles (yellow belly sliders) are named Cheeseburger, and Big Mac. I would like to match them. These 2 new ones are a lot smaller than Cheeseburger and Big Mac. My house is a huge zoo, and cage/aquarium clean-up day will take up literally a day. 4 birds, and 4 turtles requires lots of work. 

10:50 PM

Got a haircut. It has been a while since I have and my lion’s mane has been looking like overgrown grass. It was all ruffled and out of place like a bird’s armpit feathers. Have you seen bird armpit feathers? If not, go pick up a bird and lift one wing, I promise it will be a wild ride. ( Disclaimer : I am not responsible for any bruised egos. And if you get hurt, I’m laughing. ) Catching wild birds is quite fun, provided they are freed after so someone else can have in on the entertainment.

A random thing and probably too much information, I tried using a hair depilatory cream the other day and I’ve got a chemical burn on a … *ahem* … pretty bad place to have one. Awkward … and painful. But hey, all for science! The creams apparently break down chemical bonds in hair so it changes the structure and texture of hair which is really fun and cool stuff! The downside is that hair is connected to skin.

I’m feeling a tad grouchy for no reason this evening. Perhaps I’ll head to sleep early just in case, y’unno … the waavvvvee has decided to rear it’s ugly face early and fuck me up.

2:24 PM

Found out today at work that I’m currently ranked as the most proficient cashier. Um… what? Not it was not a mistake. It also just happened that a person working in the head offices came by today, so I got introduced to them (I was the only one that was introduced O_O ) and the heads in my division praised my good manners and pleasant personality. What?!? Wow … to be picked to represent the entire department… I am incredibly flattered!!

Awkward anxiety moment: I thought the supervisors hated me the entire time!!! Today was the biggest mind blowing moment, and it shows me how out of control the anxiety is getting. My mind has been completely overthinking everything and mistaking their leaving me alone as hating me, when in reality, they actually trusted me to be alone and do the work properly without supervision. In other words, I thought they left me alone because they didn’t like me. I was actually left alone because I was trusted to be responsible all by myself. At least I feel relieved now that there is paper evidence that my mind is overthinking COMPLETELY waaaayy out of proportion.

I’ve been concentrating on targeting depression-related behaviours, perhaps it is time to also do the same for the anxiety ones. I am shocked that it has gotten so out of proportion that my interpretation of the surroundings and my situations are out of sync with reality.