Hello, long time no post! My apologies.
It has been over 1 year since January 25/26th. I didn’t want to post on that day because I was afraid of relieving my memories of that day. I tend to struggle more around that period, but come April, I usually feel better like I currently do. But over ONE YEAR has passed since I was in the hospital for suicidal tendencies and depression. Wow. It seems so distant and weird. I am glad though, because without it, I would not be currently in contact with a psychiatrist whom has given me the correct (bipolar) medication. I learned that my friends love and support me. Also it let my parents understand me better, and they have supported me much more than I expected. I don’t want to be sappy but things have gotten so much better; I’ve never imagined things to improve too much. Though little improvements still need to be made.
In the meantime I have been:
- dealing with a malfunctioning laptop (WordPress was not working on that piece of crap and I got lazy of dealing with the slowness)
- learning how to schedule my life using an agenda (10/10 recommend)
- Cleaning out my closet, reorganizing my room (I donated 5 garbage bags of clothes/stuffs)
- Focusing on school, learning how to force myself to study
- Repairing my relationship with my mom, which was severely damaged due to me cutting myself off from everything in Fall 2014 – the start of my depression.
- I try to talk to her everyday now, and send her text messages of cute animals. We talk more now and I feel more willing to discuss mental health stuffs with her
- Now I need to repair my relationship with my dad, which will be more difficult since he is antisocial (as in he likes to garden and take care of his fish rather than gossip)
- Spending time with my friends
- dealing with work, quitting my first job
- Gaining new life experiences…. I went to my first concert!! (I saw Hayley Kioko).
- It was loud, so many lights, so much people but amazing to sing along with a bunch of friendly strangers
- Going out of my comfort zone and making new friends, meeting new people and spending time with them
- Giving my neglected birds and turtles some love
- During the time I did not feel well, I spent most of my time sleeping rather than give my birds attention and taming them. My parents had to clean my birds and turtles because I couldn’t do it.
- Trying to not skip classes unless I need to. I have succeeded.
- I let myself skip one day per month. That is my relaxation day.
- Soooo many doctor and psychiatry appointments!!!
- Experimenting with new ways to de-stress!
- taking a nice warm (scented and bubbly) bath with candles lit is an amazing way to relax. I feel so refreshed and relaxed afterwards!
- Learning how to cook different recipes! I think this is evident, from my past posts, but I’ve been doing this at a more regular schedule now, rather than randomly.
- I cook dinner for my boyfriend and myself, usually 1-2 times a week (I am over there 4 days a week. Tuesdays is our lazy grilled cheese sandwich day, where my bf makes grilled cheese. One of the days we sometimes head out for dinner or eat leftovers…. hence I cook 1-2 days a week, and he cooks the other days)
- Much more but I can’t think of them right now
I’ll try to post more often. It is fun and relaxing to get all my thoughts out…. like keeping an online diary. Also it serves as a reminder to myself how far I’ve come and to encourage myself. Although I couldn’t complete my goal of posting once every day, I did manage to improve my mental well-being thus the need to post everyday to get my thoughts out reduced. With that being said, I am NOT starting to post again due to feeling unwell, but this time I am hoping to continue so I can encourage other people who struggle with mental disorders and demonstrate that things can get better. I am working to express myself more and be more social…. I hope being social online counts!